Written Language and E-Language

Wow, something I want to get out on this blog. Flame wars are misunderstood written language where a party projects some sort of internal misgiving, to be nice about it, into what they read. This is an important distinction when communicating by written language.

Remember, the written word does not convey the all important intonation or melodic pattern of the spoken word. It does not have any body language either. There is no way in hell you can possibly fully understand what is the meaning behind the written language of a post, etc.

I quote, "It is never sage to assume that you have been verbally attacked on the basis of written language alone!" - The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense at Work, chapter 6 "Malpractice of the Mouth," by Suzette Haden Elgin, Ph.D.

If you find that some written language/word/statement you receive in an email, letter or post either on a blog or social system has caused you to become angry then "stop it" and remove the "personalization" of it. It is you and not the composer. If you do get one then ask questions if you are unable to "hear the sequence from the speakers (author of original post/writing) own lips. Sometimes a back-n-forth of generic non-aggressive questions will get the author thinking and maybe the true meaning will arise in the thread. Note: If after two or three threads it does not clear up then drop it, remove any personalizations, and assume that until you can "see and hear" the person's intent and context that you just agree to disagree.

Sometimes you can get more by a phone call but that is lacking as well. It is so darn complex.

Final quote, "Unless you can find a way to hear the sequence from the alleged attacker's lips, or find additional evidence that the language was an attack, assume that it was a neutral utterance.? - The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense at Work, chapter 6 "Malpractice of the Mouth," by Suzette Haden Elgin, Ph.D.

"Language used on the Internet in e-mail, chat rooms, listserve messages, blogs, social networks, and the like. The same cautions hold for electronic language as for both spoken and written language, but they hold more strongly. This one applies to training yourself to "stay away from the send button" until you have written, reviewed, analyzed, re-written, and then with a count to ten and many deep rythmic breathes then and only then "send." When you write a message on the Internet, regardless of its neutrality or inappropriateness or plain abusive nature, it is gone - instantly and irrevocably. You can not get it back or revise it.

p.s. Now I am finally beginning to understand why Rory Miller gave this particular book/author such mention in his bibliography - it is an important key to SD, etc.